14 Cans of Tuna
I don’t really care for tuna. Now I’ll eat in here and there. If you mix enough stuff that is not tuna in with it I may even enjoy it. I understand that other people with perfectly good taste love tuna. Understand as you read this that I am somewhat biased against tuna.
I am a master of planning, so when I saw six cans of tuna in the cabinet I thought to myself, “Perfect, that’ll do for tomorrow.” I should have read the nutrition facts to see that I would need the equivalent of 14 cans of tuna to get to 2000 calories.
Anyway, for breakfast I ate two cans with hot sauce and spices. It was solid white albacore and came out of the can looking like a steak. The texture was nice and it was actually not a bad breakfast.
I was pretty hungry by lunch and ate 4 cans with a little bit of fresh salsa mixed in. Cheating? it was 15 calories of salsa and kept me from gagging. I’d gotten down to the “light chunk tuna” which would be more accurately called “brownish gloppy stinky stuff.” The four cans went fine though with the salsa.
By this time I was feeling a little bit foggy mentally. Regardless of how many omega-3s may be in tuna it was not shaping up to be a good brain food. Things were taking a little while to process.
I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and bought 4 big cans of brownish gloppy stinky stuff, and some yellowfin steaks. This is the equivalent of 8 regular sized cans.
I ate two big cans as soon as I got home. This was a real exercise in willpower. I was hungry to start with, but still had to seriously fight a gag reflex. This is not me, but this is how I felt:
After these two cans I couldn’t eat anything more. The problem was I had a lot more I had to eat. I took a break from eating and took a run. I managed three miles at a slow pace. I started off somewhere in the 9:30 range and lost about 15 seconds per mile. Somewhere during this time I developed a somewhat urgent case of diarrhea, which was unpleasant but ended up giving me room to eat more tuna.
I suffered through the two other big cans. It was hard to force myself to chew it. I was stuffed, but grilled a nice tuna steak for desert. Seriously It was delicious. Here it is:
Well at this point I was full to bursting, but also incredibly thirsty. This feeling persisted for the next 5 hours or so, until I went to bed. I was craving water, but it was hard to fit it in. I would drink as much as I could (like 1 cup) wait a little while, and do it again, over and over.
Taste: Chunk Light tuna: Horrible after the third can. Solid white albacore: Good. Grilled Yellowfin steak: Amazing. Seriously, if you are buying tuna and you intend to eat it without a a pound a mayonnaise and a few jars of pickles, the solid white is worth it.
Cost: $18. You can raise this or lower it based on the grade of tuna you buy.
Fullness factor: A+. 2000 calories left me feeling like I had eaten (a not so tasty) thanksgiving dinner.
X factor: Just eat something else.