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5.5 Lbs of Beans

February 6, 2012
Because we’re all 5 years old, let’s get it out of the way:
OK.  Now we can proceed with dignity.
After starving to death on Almonds last week, I was pretty pumped to get to eat something that promised to be filling.   See you have to eat over 7 times as many beans as almonds to get the same amount of calories.  Here’s what we’re looking at for a day:

I threw in some Indian seasonings to spice things up a bit, figuring it would not change the nutrition very much.  I wanted to add a pound of bacon, some onions, a block of cheese, and a pack of burritos, but I resisted.

Here is Breakfast:

Steamy Delicious













Although there has been some rumor that the contents of this photo came from the posterior of a moose, I can assure you it came from a can.  I know it looks great, and it was.

I packed a bunch in a container for lunch and took it to work.

Is it light whipped cream? Or a wonderful bean Medly?

I had breakfast around 7:30, then I had a nice brunch around 10:30, right when I was getting hungry.   My brunchmates were eating waffles, home-fries, cinnamon buns, eggs, and bacon.  I can’t be sure, but I think they were a little jealous.  This is how they were looking at my food:

This is what popped up when I searched "longing look"

I did some work, then had a really long meeting, and by that time I was hungry again.  No sweat, I had plenty of beans.  So I ate them.

Now, I have been feeling a bit under the weather for the past two weeks, so it is hard to judge exactly how they made me feel.  All I can say for sure, is that on this day I felt better than I had for the past two weeks.  Pretty darn good to tell you the truth.

I went on a trail run in the late afternoon.  I was glad to be feeling good again and a little bit of extra jet propulsion came in handy.  It was a hilly and steep course, but even so my time was pretty bad.  I’d tell you what it was, but I’m actually a little bit embarrassed, so I won’t.  I was just dragging.

This is not me, but she did pass me out on the trail.

I went home, and I was really tired.  Hungry too, but too tired to bother with eating.  I just sat on the couch.  For quite a while.  Eventually I got my act together and whipped up a delicious treat.


I ate till I was full.  Aside from being a bit slow on the run, all around I would have to rank this as one of my best foods yet.

Cost: $5

Taste: Delicious!  (with added seasonings)

Fulness Factor:  Excellent.  I got hungry at the right times, but had plenty to eat.

Performance:  B-

Pretty good overall! This is the reduced sodium variety.

X Factor:  I felt a sense of unity with the billions of people worldwide who rely on beans for the majority of their protein.

Ps: Not nearly as musical as the rhymes suggest.

In other News: While studying my web stats I learned that the popularity of this blog is inversely proportional to how good I feel on whatever food I eat.


From → Uncategorized

  1. Uncle Billy permalink

    As I am new here, and needing to catch up …

    1) Is a “nom de plume” — eg. The doctor, Pop, 2000calories — mandatory?

    2) Does the Doctor have a time machine?

    3) Don’t do this with oranges. You will need to eat around 30 of them. And your lips will feel weird for days.

    4) Have you considered doing this with complex foods, like “Big Macs”? There will be two problems with this of course. One, how to calculate what 29.6% of a Big Mac is to finish off the 2000 calories. Two, what to do with the remaining 70.4% of a Big Mac. (Do “medical professionals” eat Big Macs?)

    • Welcome Uncle Billy!

      1. You can call yourself whatever you’d like, or remain completely anonymous. Whatever you’d like.

      2. The Doctor is a mysterious man. I can’t say with certainty that he does or does not have a time machine.

      3. Thanks for the tip on oranges. I would hate peeling that many. I would consider clemantines, but that would be more like 60.

      4. I plan on getting to the more complex foods a little later on down the road. I might even make it a little bit broader and see if I could eat 2000 calories of McDonalds (whatever the menu item) and not feel horrible.

  2. Anonymous permalink

    I read your 2000 calorie blogs they crack me up!

  3. TheDoctor permalink

    Finally! You have again ventured into the face of terrible gut wrenching pain with your epic quest, only narrowly escaping gastronomic torture. My pancreas live vicariously through your exploits. Herophilus (that’s my pancreas’ name) can barely contain his enzymes anticipating the next installment.

    summarized info: Phytohemagglutinin (PHA) is a lectin found in plants, especially legumes. It is found in the highest concentrations in uncooked red kidney beans and white kidney beans, it is also found in lower quantities in many other types of green beans and other common beans, as well as broad beans such as fava beans. In high doses, it is a toxin.

    PHA can cause poisoning in humans through the consumption of raw or improperly prepared kidney beans. Measured in haemagglutinating units (hau), a raw red kidney bean can contain up to 70,000 hau. This can be reduced to safe levels by correct cooking (boiling for at least ten minutes at 100°C). However, cooking at 80°C, such as in a slow cooker, can increase this danger and raise the available hau up to fivefold.

    Poisoning can be induced from as few as five raw beans, and symptoms occur within three hours, beginning with nausea, then vomiting, which can be severe and sustained (profuse), followed by diarrhea. Recovery occurs within four or five hours of onset, usually without the need for any medical intervention.

    little bit of extra jet propulsion…haha

    Do I travel through time? Everyday. I use a time machine powered by natural gas, shaped like a brown phone booth. My super hot assistant and I call it the Fardis.

  4. TheDoctor permalink

    Oh and watch out for Bean sprouts too…

    summarized info: Commercially grown sprouts are associated with multiple outbreaks of harmful bacteria like salmonella or the toxic forms of E. coli. Such infections (sproutbreaks) may be a result of contaminated seeds or of unhygienic production with high microbial counts. Sprout seeds can become contaminated in the fields where they are grown, and sanitizing steps may be unable to kill bacteria hidden in damaged seeds. A single surviving bacterium in a kilogram of seed can be enough to contaminate a whole batch of sprouts.

    In June 2011, contaminated bean sprouts in Germany were identified as the source of the 2011 E. coli O104:H4 outbreak. In addition to Germany, where 3,792 cases and 42 deaths had been reported as of 22 June, cases have been reported in several European countries, Canada and the USA.

  5. Jess permalink

    Ian! Hi! It is Jess! Your blog cracks me up! i love the pics and silly side comments. Hope youre doing well! =)

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