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(Everything’s better with) 45 Slices of Bacon

January 23, 2012

Folks, this is a lot of bacon.  I’m talking about roughly 2.5 lbs (regular packages are 1 lb.)  I’ll show you.

Right?

I got up a little early to get my food all ready for the day.  I didn’t want to smoke up the whole house so I went out on the deck and cooked it out there.

A little sunrise cold weather cooking experience.

I ate breakfast hot off the skillet while the sun came up.  Seriously, I think I made the whole neighborhood jealous.  You should have seen the steam rolling off that delicious food.  It was incredible.  The only thing that would have made it better was if I had gotten dressed first.  I was wearing flip flops and boxers and it was in the 20’s.  You can’t blame the bacon for that though…

I packed lunch like this:

Lunch

and I was good to go.

Now, usually whatever I eat, I am hungry by 10:30.  Seriously, I could eat a dozen pancakes, a few breakfast burritos, and some cold pizza and it wouldn’t change by a minute.  I can set my watch to it.  I can set your smart phone to it.

Bacon, however, shocked me in this department.  I ate at 7:30ish and didn’t have a chance to eat again until noon.  I felt not one twinge of hunger this entire time.

Lunch was delicious.  It was bacon after all.  What else could you expect?  The only gross thing was that I microwaved it and a huge puddle of grease boiled out.  I felt bad for my arteries, but carried on with the day.

delicious.

I ate promptly at noon.  I am usually starving by 3:30, but this day I didn’t eat until 7 and I felt wonderful the whole time.

All that bacon made me pretty thirsty.

I did have about 7 cups of herbal tea across the course of the day and a quart or two of water.  I was watering plants in a greenhouse and took a nice long drink out of a hose.

This is not me, but this is what I did.
I felt like this too.

Dinner I had a little bit over a pound left.  If you are a smart shopper you will know all about selecting good packages of bacon.  You know, meat to fat ratios and all that.  If you are this shopper in a hurry at night, you may not pay enough attention.  I got a pack that looked a lot like this.

Too much fat!

I fried it to a crisp and ate it all.

That night I dreamed this.

Sorry, that's a lie, but it is a cool picture.

Cooking Note:  If you ever plan to eat bacon pack a lot of extra.  People smell it a mile away.  I gave away no fewer than 7 slices across the day.

Performance:  Good.  I did the first mile at around a 7:45 and lost about 20 seconds a mile.  I felt solid, but not bursting with energy.  It was around 10 pm and 20 degrees, so I’ll take that.

Taste: This is the first food I have looked forward to eating every meal.

Fullness Factor:  Unparalleled for excellence.  Talk about bang for your calorie buck, I don’t know what beats this.

Way better than it's reputation

Cost: $10

X Factor:  You’ve heard that everything is better with bacon?  Well it’s true.  At one point in the day I was so caught up in feeling awesome that I forgot about my experiment.  I was teaching a class on making good food choices (obviously because I’m a master of this) and had my class inspecting a cold frame growing kale.  I was letting the students pick and eat fresh kale and I ate a leaf too.  Wow!  It was mind blowing delicious.  It was everything I wanted to eat and taste.  I spent the next two hours daydreaming about a huge kale salad.  I usually hate the stuff, so I don’t know what was up with that.  Maybe my body was trying to tell me something.

Also, water tasted downright gourmet.

Each glass tasted like this.

ps.  That’s a lot of bacon, but it’s nothing like this guy.

pps.  Let me leave you with a couple of important pictures.

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7 Comments
  1. The Doctor permalink

    I could find no direct toxicity from 2.5lbs of bacon, making it your safest meal to date, which in itself astounds me to no end. However, I was able to find this medicinal use for bacon, which may be of use to some of your readers:

    Be patient, the bacon doesn’t come in until treatment but you really need the background info for it to sufficiently gross you out.

    MYIASIS: The invasion of live human or animal tissue by fly larvae (maggots) is termed myiasis. Many organs can be involved but the skin is the most common site.

    LARVAE SPECIES: Most cases are seen in returning travelers from Central or South America (Dermatobia hominis, the human botfly, a nonbiting insect) or from Africa (Cordylobia anthropophaga, the tumbu fly).

    INFESTATION: Females do not lay their eggs directly on their host but on the underside of a blood-sucking insect, such as a mosquito, biting fly, or tick. These insects transmit the larvae of the botfly via phoresis, a unique mechanism of egg deposition. Larvae enter the skin and reach the underlying subcutaneous tissue, where they feed and grow. The time required for mature larvae to develop is species-specific (approximately 7 weeks). At maturity they enlarge the central pore and prepare to exit.

    CLINICAL PRESENTATION: Abscess-like lesions are found on the face, scalp, chest, arms, or legs. The lesion is called a warble; the maggot is called a bot. The head of the larva rises to the surface for air about once a minute through a small central pore. Sensation of movement in the lesion supports the diagnosis.

    TREATMENT(here’s where the bacon comes in): The larva’s survival within its host is dependent upon the availability of oxygen. Obstruction of the breathing orifice with occlusive elements is effective. Apply an adhesive dressing such as tape and the larva becomes enmeshed within the dressing when it migrates toward the skin to get oxygen. Application of petroleum jelly over the pore may force the larva out for air. Bacon therapy is another noninvasive technique. The fatty parts of raw bacon are placed over the opening of the skin lesion. The fly larva crawls far enough into the bacon and can be removed with forceps within 3 hours. There is usually only one maggot in each mass.

    That’s right, bacon therapy for maggots in your skin.

  2. The bacon day was one I don’t think I could make it through..the saltiness and fattiness would just get to me about four slices in…the comment above made me want to gag on the spot….I don’t know that I will ever and I mean EVER look at raw bacon again in the same way I once did…

  3. Seriously, if Kevin Bacon dies, we’re all screwed.

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