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28 Eggs

January 2, 2012

After last week I took a while to think things over.  Was it the eggs or the nog that had been so hard to deal with?  There is really only one way to scientifically answer this question, so I did.  It takes 28 eggs to add up to get 2000 calories.

I started off the morning with a delicious breakfast of 6 fried eggs.

Being the nice guy that I am I cooked 2 for Laura.

This is where I encountered the first mystery of the day.  I’ll show it to you.

How on earth can vegetable oil contain no calories and no nutrition?  Is it just that the serving size (a 1/4 second spray) is small enough as to be negligible? How long of a spray would it take to add up to 2000 calories?  Is it mathematically possible to fit such a spray into 24 hours?  Oh man…

Anyway, like I said, breakfast was delicious.  Even though it only adds up to only 420 calories I felt like a serious glutton eating six eggs.  This is strange because if it had been 3 eggs, a few waffles, a slab of bacon, some potatoes, a short stack of pancakes, a muffin, a mug of coffee, a piece of french toast, and a fruit cup (I’m not too hungry, hold the biscuit) it would have seemed like a reasonable breakfast out.

I then hard boiled a dozen for lunch and packed them for work.

Farm Fresh, Brown, and Exploded

I know that variety is important to any diet, so this dozen is brown.

IMPORTANT COOKING NOTE:  If you boil a cold egg halfway in and halfway out of the water it will explode.  I solved this problem by giving the two worst ones away to unsuspecting friends and making myself better eggs later in the day.

I first got hungry around 10:30 so I had a snack of two hard boiled eggs.

I got bored around 11:15 so I ate two more.

I wasn’t very hungry at lunch but I at six more anyhow.

I took a good run after work and came home and cooked dinner.

I scrambled these bad boys

No I had felt pretty good all day.  Not to hungry but still a good apatite.  I felt somewhere close to excellent on the run, but man I just crashed in the evening.  I sat down on the couch and that was about it.  The stairs up to bed looked like mount Everest.

This is me. Nice couch huh?


I consulted a medical professional who I may or may not be married to and was told that this level of cholesterol intake could negatively impact health if continued long term.   I consulted a body builder and Dr. Atkins and they told me not to worry about it.

Hunger:  Just right.

Cost:  $5.80.  Not too bad

Performance test:  Feeling pretty excellent I decided to go beyond the normal 5k test and do a trail run along the shore of the Chesapeake Bay.

This guy is not me, but he wearing my hat.

I had plenty of energy, ran in a straight line, and had a good time.  I kept a normal pace for the terrain and had no complaints.  In retrospect I wish that I drank a couple of eggs raw because I heard that makes runs way better.

X Factor: With a surprising number of very different and very easy ways to prepare eggs, this is a high variety low work food.

In conclusion, eggs are pretty great, particularly if mixed with a little bit of caffeine for an energy boost.  Nog, whatever it is, should be avoided.

Ps.  So you are probably wondering about poop now.  Nothing interesting to report.


From → Uncategorized

  1. David permalink

    Nice. So when are you doing to 2000 calories of beer?

  2. Chris permalink

    Oh man, this is hilarious! Can’t believe you ate that many eggs in one day!!!

  3. Pop permalink

    I would leave a comment, but I fear it may egg you on. For your X factor, I thought you would report on your eggestential thinking. So, was your yolk easy? Did you feel so good that you would say you experienced pure eggstacy? I know that these comments are moderated, so I will quit now.

    • Lindsay permalink

      I second that, “oh, man.”

    • This might not be the largest Country in the World, but I think it is the most sattishicoped. One way you can measure the growth of somewhere is the measure it’s arts. There is little doubt that this place exceeds other places away. I wouldn’t want to die there, but a year or three would be pretty sweet.

  4. Collin permalink

    This is more eggs than I eat in a year. I don’t know how you didn’t vomit.

    • TS: Oh yes, they are so fun! We were at the county fair this weenked and yes indeed the child is convinced we need bantams. So, next year when we put in our poultry order, I am thinking we need about 6 of the little buggers, probably Cochins because I have heard they are good setters. I’ll take your word on the cockiness: somehow seems less scary than a 10-pound Jersey Giant attacking your leg. And yeah, they are little sneaks, aren’t they? All they’re trying to tell us is they want a little darkness and privacy to do their egg-laying.Alecto: Ah, previous life, check. So you come by this honestly right? I dragged my latte-sipping starched-shirt husband to Life With Chickens too and I think he’s definitely a better guy for it.Taylor, yep! Over 2 dozen. Lost count at 25.Molly, when I feed everyone in the morning I swear I lose about 15 minutes every day just standing there watching them. This is before coffee so I am a bit dim anyway but I swear they are so hilarious and fun to be around. And thanks for reminding me: it is time to clean out that coop for the compost! Such happy compost.WF: Thanks for the tips! I do feed older eggs to the birds, hard-boiled or scrambled sometimes adding old dinner to it. These are some pampered poultry. But it’s a good idea not to waste; me, I had no idea how old these things really were so I stuck (broke) them all into the compost. I had to break them too. Last time I just didn’t and turned the pile I spooked myself by setting off two egg bombs that literally popped/exploded. No surprises in the compost, please; the snake 2 years ago was bad enough!

  5. Lindsay permalink

    How did you mix your eggs with a caffeine boost?

    • You know, that was one of those “hindsight is 2020” moments. I didn’t do it and I should have.

  6. Melanie Reichley permalink

    I haven’t read many blogs, but this has to rank pretty high up there as the most entertaining blog EVR!!!

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